Rum And Zero Coke
The feedback I love the most is from the readers who don’t take themselves too seriously. The people who you can tell life for them is a playground and not a set of rigid rules. A Stephene bought my book on Saturday. (Hi Stephene how are you?) I had a Stephen friend in primary school. Stephen Khaemba to be particular. Hailed from the lineage of Mudavadi or is it Messi? Haha. Tall, dark chap. Good heart in his chest. Loved football, clever too, was always a few positions ahead of me, argh. Stephene bought my book. I wasn’t anywhere near my workstation so I texted him.
‘I’m not around my workstation. I will send this before 5pm.’
I didn’t send it anywhere close to 5pm. Let me explain. I was watching Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservation on Netflix. Anthony Bourdain is a chef, writer and traveler with a penchant for stiff drinks. The show has a way of making you lose all sense of time. It’s a travel and food show but that’s not what makes it interesting; it’s the persona that Bourdain brings into it that does. I was between Brazilian Caipirinhas and Kentucky ribs when I remembered I needed to send a book to a Stephene so I sprung out of my couch, flipped open my laptop and hit send.
‘Hi Steve, thanks for your purchase. This has been sent. Please acknowledge receipt.’
‘Acknowledge receipt’ hails from my corporate days, it has completely refused to wash out. Makes me sound like someone who irons his jeans.
‘Hi Kev, Kelvo, Kelvin with an L. Hehehe. I see what you do with the L there? (I don’t know what I do with the L there). I just downloaded the package I will give feedback in the course of next week. Any typo here don’t mind it. I’m on some rum and zero coke. Still on the balcony with Mario Puzo for now.’
I imagined a chap on the balcony in shorts and a t-shirt, the letters on Mario Puzo blurred by the influence of rum and what was it again, zero coke? Huh, you’ve got to love these readers of mine.
‘Alright, have fun. Cheers.’
‘Don’t be bored too single dude, have some fun, the Homabay chic? I’m curious! They say curiosity killed a cat, I wonder why not a baboon. Cheers.’
I knew that was the rum talking and, what did he call it again, yeah, zero coke. I had the widest smile after that exchange. It got me wondering what kind of people read this blog. What are you into? What do you do to unwind? Do you have a fetish, perhaps you are into toes, the big one specifically? I don’t know. You know almost everything about me but I know so little about you.
This blog turned two years old last week. When it was turning a year old I knew everybody who commented here by name, I still do. I also knew everybody who liked and commented on my posts on Facebook by heart. But it’s now getting a bit blurred over there because the village is growing. What would be great is if we introduced ourselves, you know, so we know who is who, so we don’t pass each other on the road or God forbid, marry from the same house. I will start.
I’m Kev. No, that’s not actually what’s on my birth certificate. My mom made sure to put an ‘L’ in Kevin. Perhaps because she thought it was sweet or it was meant to humble me. I highly suspect it’s the latter. People call me Kev, or Kelvo (I secretly hate the people who add the L to the name), others Karis, a few Kisauti. I work in an ad agency as a copywriter—it’s a mecca of ideas. I love that. I read and write all the time. I listen to hip hop, a bit of bongo, sometimes I sing in the shower. I like women like most warm-blooded men do. If I was doing the picking (I feel as if some supreme being does), mine would be tall and slender. With a thing for short skirts. She would be an artist too, good brain in her head. Her hobby would be something romantic, like saving the last mongoose from extinction but those are just dreams but what is a man if not his dreams?
What about you, what are you into, rum and zero coke?
Love this article? You will love my book even more, find it here. We don’t (yet) have the budget to buy space on prime time TV or full page ads in the Daily Nation, so your shares are what help us get discovered. Feel free to whisper us to a friend and leave a comment.
Related Posts
About The Author
kisauti
Author of Drug Paradise and The Sponsor.
Add a Comment
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
I will, one day, when high on these overrated French “liver-burners”, make a suggestion….One not very far from asking you to pull a Churchill on your works! Until then, keep molesting the keyboard. And while at it, let me know why the day has changed from Wednesday to Friday.
Hello Kev. I am one of those who thinks of you as Kisauti. K.
My name is Patrick Thuo. Some call me Pat and others Junior. I am a trained & Practising HR person. However, I love words. I have always loved reading them.
Currently setting up this one-stop kinda shop called The Granny’s Coner where all can come for literary needs. Just finalizing on the website set up but check us out on facebook @The Granny’s Corner. I have been camping here for some time and I keep loving it. Waiting for the next book and some.
If I am not reading a book or a blog, I am watching a movie. I love animations. I also daydream about bikes. Speed bikes. I love them sporty.
Women. Ladies. I roll like that too. How I like them, someday.
Speed bikes….
Now you are appealing to the strings of my heart.
Cheers Granny!!!
Cheers Ken. You should probably then check out https://inkedbiker.wordpress.com/. They will keep you updated. They also offer training which I will be telling about once I attend.
Papaa…officially Papa Whiskie…You got it I’m only into whiskie and 5ft curvaceous ladies come second…In the mean time let me deal with this whiskie on my hand…and did I say whiskie with an ‘ie’ at the end?
Hello KELVO I am Fiona and thanks to one of your weekly readers I came to learn of you. I love data analysis (I’m good at it too) and currently unemployed, any help brothers and sisters would be appreciated…hehe. I love reading and watching animation and comedy. I am sucker for a good conversation and hate crowds.
Hello Fiona
I have grown to love data analysis too, though unemployed too..
Judy is my name, not Judith. Named after my grandma on my dad’s side. She was Judith but for some reason, the ‘th’ irks me to no end. Never did like it, never will. Am a clerk at a PLC company. I have always loved to read. Thrillers to be exact. I also read interesting bloggers (yes, you are interesting) You, the chocolate man and the Mbanacho guy)Never been able to hack the writing scene. Maybe with time. Country music is bar. Couldn’t name a Jay Z song if my life depended on it. When the Guy above created partners, He might have forgotten mine……otherwise where is he? If I had one, he would have to love reading for I would expect a novel as a present on my birthday. A thriller. Not the lovey dovey thing with too much romance and not the Dracula shit either!!! No, the Jason Bourne type to be precise. I do what I like when I like. It gets me in trouble sometimes. In a way my bag of goodies run out of fucks to give eons ago! Perks of being the only girl in the midst of five boys perhaps, no? So yeah, am Judy not Judith and 96.999% of the time, I looooove my life!
Hey Judy. I will not say Judith irks me coz I have like 3 of them in my life. And I love my life enough not to wish to lose it. Critiquing people’s names can do that.
I heard that some people’s ribs were used to make soup. I hope yours is not one of those. So before he shows up, I will take the acting part and make sure you can always get a book and more blogs. I know a couple more that will keep you busy.
Hello, Kelvin. I won’t say Kevin because I have too many Kevin’s in my life right now. You remind me of my latest Kevin. He is tall and light skin… I joke with him all the time that ‘ana catch mafeelings so fast kama a typical light skin’. He doesn’t. He is very easy going. I read your blogs and i’m always tempted to text him. But I don’t, because our relationship is only of the physical kind. My name is Beth… not Elizabeth or Bertha (urgh!). No offence to all the Bertha’s out there. I was named after my paternal grandmother. Bethseba Adhiambo. I love to read. I read everything. Anything. I’m those people who will start a book and I’m obligated to finish no matter how boring. Just the same way I can never leave a church service halfway. I’m also very much into MM romance. Reading man on man action is very hot . I work in customer service. Funny that, because I’m not a people person. I also very much love alcohol. The sweet kind. I’m a sober alcoholic. Also, Kisauti is my favourite blog. I absolutely love your writing. Always looking forward to new stuff from you. I haven’t bought your book yet but I will. I keep on saying I will buy but then the money in my mpesa gets busy. Stori ya doo ni hard. But I will. Keep it on, Kelvin.
I am Njoroge. Robert to my Mum, Rob to my dad, Andy to my wife, Anderson to my tutors. Everyone else calls me Njoroge Ndagîtarî wa Ng’ombe. I read a lot. 500 Bob for three books in the streets of Nairobi usually takes me through the month. Rock music is beautiful so are Kikuyu songs of old. I like teaching animal science issues, though we are currently on strike. I pity the students as I am one too. Unfortunately some decisions are beyond us.
I research on agriculture and bio-sciences at ICIPE. It’s the only institution that enhances my growth.
My wife is heavy with child, the first of my loins. At 28 I am worried that I might fail as a father. I fear for my wife. I help cows bring forth their young. It’s messy, painful and bloody. May Providence be merciful to her this month.
Kelvin/Kisauti/Karis or whatever your name is, I like your writing. Sometimes you are funny, sometimes outright boring but interesting all the same. I will get your book when I get paid next month. Keep it up. Bye.
Vincent here and not vin or vinny. I loathe the shortened versions of my name. I happen to interact with good and bad bacteria on a daily basis at some corner in Nairobi. And I can authoritatively say they are tons of lessons we humans can learn from these simplistic creatures. Your blog, Mbanacho’s and Biko’s have made me love reading. These days I read a lot than I used to. Cheers!
Hahaha Kisauti, Achman here. Been keeping it here for the longest I can recall. Guy does a million things, ranging from radio production to TV directing to camera work to script writing to singing… A million things! In addition, a good sense of fashion and good music completes his package.
When bored, I spend that time cuddling with the keyboard. Si that’s enough?
Hey Kisauti, I’m Cirū. I’m a bit of everything; Kikuyu Maasai (Mum), yet Luhya Baganda(dad). I’m 5’10 and about 61kgs (my eating patterns have been aritro bit off)…there’s need for more flesh, eeh?
I am a violinist and a vocalist but I thrive when am solving algebraic problems…so that makes me an Agricultural Economist.
Life is good… life is really good. I am rushing for my second physiotherapy and it’s because I got into an accident but I’m good. Just another bump on the road.
I don’t like roses because I’m asthmatic and chocolates? not so much… the sugar, I can’t deal.
I believe that the earth is a sphere and not some pancake… I believe in creating my own reality of things and falling in love.
You’ve already figured that I talk too much… TMI… I’m done.
Hey Kev, Lucyann here.. you can call me Lucy, some call me Maryann, Luciana, Lousiana, all sorts of names. I’m a masseuse in case you feel you want a gooood relaxation massage, I’m a call away. Love reading, I’m an indoors person but once in a while I do a night out to unwind. Reggae music raises my moods.
Superb blog
Hi Kev. You share a name with one of my best guy friends. He’s amazing, I get the feeling you are too but in a different hue. Where his would be a dusty pink, yours would be a sultry magenta.
Sidenote: I’m a huge fan of the colour purple, FYI, the actual shade and not the book.
You can call me Maua. I love reading. I enjoy Kenyan writing and resent Jackson Biko for having only one blog post a week. It’s 04h30 where I am (hint: not Kenya) and you’ve been whispering into my ears since I found you circa 2am. Not sure if I still curse this insomnia.
Keep writing, you’re a star.
Hi Kevin. Hoping it’s not too late to drop my comment as well. I’m Pauline. Simply Pauline. My family calls me Mbene short for Mbeneka.
Stumbled on your blog on these streets of google while I was searching for Kenyan bloggers. I have since pitched a tent and I have not been able to leave. Clearly, I love reading, a lot if I may. A sucker for really good reads and your blog carries a ton of them that have made me come here on a daily.
Your writing/work is impeccable. Still trying to catch up with every other story you have written.
I am a Personal Assistant, I blog, and a Forex Trader as well. I love listening to Jazz, Rnb, and Soul Music and lots of Bongo. I don’t mind some selective Rumba Music. A whisky girl to add on top.
Keep up the good work Kevin!
Hi Mbene, around here you’re never late. Karibu to this side of words. Have one on the house.